So, you want to start your own sandwich shop? Well, you've certainly come to the right place. Maybe. I don't know. You're the one thinking "Oh, hey, I want to know how to start a sandwich shop! This place titled 'The Sandwich Shop Ninja' might be a good place to look! Surely this is the best and most relevant source of information," not me.

Anyways, this is the best and most relevant source of information on starting a sandwich shop. The best one in the world. There are many things you will want to think about as you design and start up your very own sandwich shop. Some things are important to think about, some crucial, some vital, and some will leave you bleeding in a dark alley in Chicago if you don't think as carefully as necessary so you'd better think very, very, very, very carefully about everything here. You don't like bleeding, do you? Exactly.

Location

The first thing to do is rent, buy, or get a lease on a location. Location is everything, except for the things that it is not. There are good locations, and then there are bad locations. Here are a few examples of good and bad locations:

• The corner of two busy streets - Good location. Busy streets mean many customers.
• The mall's food court - Good location. Malls are always full of potential customers. Even during a zombie apocalypse, be it the survivors hiding in the mall, or the zombies that come in when some fool thinks its safe to go outside. Zombies love sandwiches. Brain sandwiches.
• The bad part of town - Good location. Thugs, gangsters, mafia hit-men, mimes, and other various no-good-doers all love sandwiches.
• The moon - good location. It is a known fact that astronauts enjoy eating delicious sandwiches.
• Just Down the Street and Around the Corner - the ultimate location. Anyone can find this place from anywhere. If someone gives you the greatest sandwich of your life and you ask him where he got it, odd are he will say "just down the street and around the corner." You will follow his directions, and you will find it. Every single time.

Employees

After you have chosen a location, you will need to hire employees.

Most restaurants will do good to hire a ninja, and only one ninja. Although it would seem otherwise, efficiency and productivity decrease as the number of ninjas are severely decreased due to what is known as the Exponential Ninja Factor (ENF). If you manage to perpetuate a rivalry between the two, you may be able to avoid any ENF impacts; however, unless both ninjas are evenly equipped and skilled, you run risks of loosing an employee. Contracts with ninjas must be considered carefully. A ninja will hold his or her end of the contract with the utmost honor, even to the extent of loss of life. In fact, it is unknown if any ninja has ever survived a breach of contract. It is also important to take note that the same holds true for employers of ninjas: statistics show that out of all employers who had failed to hold their end of a contract with a ninja, 100% had met an untimely demise.
While one ninja can handle most of the workload, you will still need additional employees. Once you have hired a ninja, you will need to acquire a Ninja Ally Compatibility Table. Certain types of employees can cause disastrous results when mixed with ninjas. The NACT tends to vary between ninja clans and families, though there are a few incompatible types that are common between all. Namely: dark wizards, zombies, Michael Dudikoff, and pirates. They all mix badly with ninjas, but pirates most of all. Your sandwich shop will have a severe impact on the neighborhood's levels of swashbuckling and scurvy epidemics.

After procuring your NACT, there are a few area-specific positions you will want to have filled. Most cases deal with areas that contain larger demographics of unruly people. If you are located in one of these areas (ie: "Bad Part of Town" location), you may want to hire a polar bouncer. Nobody messes with a bouncer who is also a polar bear.

The Other Stuff

Then after you do some other stuff and get customers and all, you reap the rewards of capitalism. Congratulations, you have successfully gone from "sticking it to the man" to "the man it is being stuck to." Don't ask what "it" is. You don't want to know. Or maybe you should, since you'd have already stuck some of it.

Recap

In conclusion, the steps to sandwich shop success are:
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Thank you for reading, and join us later on for "Extra-Extra-Extra-Extra-Large Tee Shirts" and "Endangered Species: The Oboe Cat."